Day One - The adventure begins (as if it hasn't already started)

So, I've started a blog. Never thought I would. 

But I've found, in my aggressive search for answers, that there are a vast number of people out there (specifically on the web) that are in a similar, if not the exact same, position as me. 

Film school grad.

Aspiring filmmaker.

New to a city.

Trying to make ends meet.

Completely unsure of what to do next.

Anything ring a bell?

It has been my dream to be a filmmaker since the age of five. Literally. I have never wanted anything else in my life, and the dream has only grown in intensity and passion over the years. Now, at age nineteen - fresh out of school and ready to face the world, I have found myself encountering doubt for the first time in my life. I realize now, that the biggest battles are not going to be fought between me and the studio executives. Rather, the challenges I will truly be tested by will be between me, myself and I. Doubt is a nasty thing. Especially in this industry. There's no room for it if you want to make it, and as I feel the pressure of it pressing down on me, I realize both how badly I want this - and how easy it would be to quit while I'm ahead.

It's been about five months now of daily phone-calls, emails, letters in the mail (I don't want to even think about how much I have probably sent on postage). I've talked to some really nice people on the phone, received some rather pleasant responses. But I still haven't gotten anywhere. Not where I want anyway.

How do we do it? How do we break into the industry. 

I should take a moment to discuss that phrase as well.

See, I don't want to just SLIP into the industry (as I call it). Meaning, personally, I'd rather kick down a door and let the world no I'm here. BREAK IN.

Of course, that's everybody's dream. But it's negative to think like that. "Since everybody wants to do it, no sense in me even thinking about it, right?" Wrong! Where would be if we didn't dream big.

What I'm saying is, I wouldn't ever hesitate from taking a low-end job - even if it's getting coffee. I wouldn't even hesitate working for free for awhile if it means making connections and letting people know I can work hard. I don't mind working up the ladder. In fact, I know I'll probably have to. But that does not stop me from still dreaming big - still somehow trying to make my mark! Maybe it'll be a groundbreaking script I write?! Or maybe my little short film from film school will do well in the festival market! Who knows? It's happened before. And sometimes history repeats itself.

Bottom line is, at the moment, my biggest challenge is not the rejections or dead ends. Rather it is the doubt in my own mind, as I set out to make my dream a reality. Tapping in to that child-like faith is where my success will stem from.

I move to Toronto this weekend. It's the beginning of a whole new a chapter. The quest awaits. Where it will take me, I can no longer predict - and I don't want to. All I can do is accept, and go with the flow. And above all things, trust.

Trust.

Can anyone relate?